Second Type Woman - Stealth and the Transsexual Woman

The Stealthy Transsexual Woman

Definitions

One website defines stealth as:

"The process of hiding one's past so that there is less available evidence of having been in a different social role. Deep Stealth refers to virtually eliminating all possible reference to a former life. Stealth is usually considered a final stage of transition but some people who have lived in the changed role for more than 10 years see it as another stage before a more complete understanding of themselves."

In the context of male-to-female transsexual women, "passing" means that when you meet someone, they accept you without any reservations as a women. But "passing" comes in various degrees, for example it might mean that you walk in pubic without being identified as man; another significant stage is called "stealth" where acquaintances, work colleagues and even a circle of friends are unaware of your male background; and finally there's "deep stealth", where you totally live your life as a woman and very close friends and even your husband are unaware that you are a transwoman.

The alternative to stealth is sometimes called being "out" - where you openly admit to, and perhaps even advertise, your transsexuality.

Stealthy women may be "outed", where someone discovers that they are a transsexual.

Being "read" means having your gender questioned when trying to "pass" as a woman - in circumstances that may range from short shopping trips as a woman, to living and working and living as woman, to intimate relations as a woman.

The rest of this article is orientated towards transwomen who transition as adults, and is inherently less relevant to boy-to-girls that transition at a young age. For someone raised as a boy who reaches manhood, subsequently passing as successfully as a woman is not easy. A sad indication of this is that a whole genre of popular films (usually comedies) has become based on situations involving a "man" trying to pass as a "woman" - I Was a Male War Bride, Some like it Hot, Tootsie, Mrs Doubtfire, Victor/Victoria, He's My Girl. Even when the man/woman is extremely feminine in appearance (e.g. Ellen Barkin in Switch) her masculine sounding voice / speak / actions / manners / movements quickly lead to "comedy".

Implications of Going Stealthy

While superficially desirable, stealth, particularly deep stealth, is extra-ordinarily difficult to achieve. For example deep stealth means:

Professor Lynn Conway was stealth for 30 years before in 1998 she decided to come "out" when a researcher began delving in to some of her old work at IBM.

Discarding (hiding is too risky!) absolutely all incriminating evidence of your pre-transition life - photo's, school reports, diaries, letters, certificates, references ...
Discarding the history of your pre-transition life and building a cover story, ideally with records, for the period entire before you transitioned.
Changing all documentation, from educational qualifications through to passport, in to your new identity. A particularly hard but vital document that needs to be changed, if at all possible, is your birth certificate. Forgery is not condoned, and also is risky!
Contacting all organisations (e.g. banks, government, utilities, medical, university, stores, professional bodies, ...) with personnel records about you and ensuring that they are changed as much as possible [they may well keep details on file which will always be a source of risk of being outed]
Re-writing your CV to include only admissible material consistent with your stealth status, probably with a much reduced job history, references and qualifications. A potential employer may want to verify any claim made, so great care must be taken to ensure that all the information provided is safe to include - or perhaps of an unverifiable nature!
Changing jobs, which may well mean changing careers and accepting a far less well-paid or responsible position due.
Moving home, the further the better.
Cutting off friends, acquaintances and even close family who knew you as a man.

and all this is absolutely pointless unless:

Physically you pass convincingly as a woman, not just briefly but over the long term, 24x7, occasionally naked (medicals, security checks, changing rooms...), and perhaps in an intimate relationship. Hormones and good quality sex reassignment surgery are a minimum, but many other treatments such as electrolysis, facial feminisation surgery, and breast augmentation are also likely.
Your voice is not a male give-away (an all too common problem for otherwise extremely passable transwomen).
Behaviourally and socially you are totally convincing as a woman.
You never reveal your past to anyone under any circumstances - this can be extra-ordinarily difficult, particularly in the early months after transition where circumstances may conspire against you.
You maintain your cover story at all times, you must believe it and it must be more than second nature - you can't afford ever afford to let your guard down. For example, an inconsistency or slip up at 2:00 am in the morning when both tired and merry after a bottle of wine is all too easy to make, but it may come to haunt you and prove impossible to recover from.

Physical appearance is one key to passing, as demonstrated by Gabrielle Schaffer.

While transsexuals considering transition often react with annoyance about being told how important age is, it simply cannot be ignored if stealth is an eventual objective. At the famous Phuket Plastic Surgery Clinic in Thailand, the seventy-nine Thai MTF transsexuals who received SRS during the period 1997-2000 had an average age of just 26 years (the oldest was 45) whereas that of the sixty-six American's was 50 years, and some were 65. An article by Dr Sanguan Kunaporn in the Journal of Asian Sexology brutally notes that "Thai M-F transsexuals seeking SRS are younger. They generally look and behave very natural as genetic women. Because of this, it is obvious to any non-medical person that they are qualified candidates for the surgery. On the other hand, most of the American transsexuals come out when they are much older, many do not pass so well as females."

Unfortunately learning how to pass
is not as much fun, nor as easy, as
this photograph might indicate.

A transvestite who occasionally tries to pass in public can limit himself to occasional night time outings, or other circumstances where his chances of success are maximised. But a transitioned transsexual woman faces ruthless and critical examination at all times and in all circumstances:- day and night, at work and at play, fresh or tired, posh frock or casual. Rare indeed is the lucky girl who puts on a bra and immediately passes convincingly. For basic physical reasons, some male-to-female transsexual women will simply never be able to pass consistently, while for many others it takes years of hormone treatment, expensive and extensive surgery, a lot of preparation, and considerable hard won experience after transition before they can pass convincingly and confidently at all times - and only at this point is going stealth a real option.

Jahna Steele was voted Las Vegas's "Sexiest Showgirl" in 1991, and out'ed the following year.

Whether or not to go Stealth

Some transwomen never go stealthy, the reasons vary but can include:

An inability to pass completely convincingly 24x7.
An unwillingness to break existing career or family ties.
An unwillingness to make the many sacrifices that going stealth implies.
An unwillingness to accept the constant fear of being "read" or the risk of being "outed".
A genuine desire to be open about their transsexuality.

On the other hand, many transsexual women go stealthy because:

They enter in to a relationship that an admission of their transsexuality would endanger (this seems to be the most significant reason).
Pressure from a partner who doesn't want his wife/partners transsexuality to be known, encouraging her to go stealthy.
They are fed up with the reaction from people that an admission or discovery of their transsexuality brings:- avoidance; furtive glances; strained conversations; a false acceptance; forced inclusion in 'girly' socials.
They dislike the background of furtive whispers about them.
They hate the constant observation and 'behind the back' comments about their appearance and passability, with a perceived pressure to be more perfectly female than other women.
They want to completely separate themselves from their male past.
They have embarked upon a career (e.g. modelling or acting) that requires this.

In early 2004 Sky broadcast to the UK a reality TV series centred upon the total pass'ability of a 21 year-old Mexican pre-op transsexual woman called Miriam. Six male contestants spent three weeks at a villa in Ibiza trying to woo her in order to win the prize. Only at the end were the contestants told about Miriam's "something".

They then began a legal action against the producers claiming conspiracy to commit sexual assault. Their lawyer said: "The men had no idea that Miriam was a transsexual. ... They are horrified because there are shots of them snogging, cuddling and groping her." Sky settled the case for £125,000 ($200,000) each.

The consequences of going stealth can sometimes be heart-rendering. For example, almost 100% of Thai transsexuals (typically transitioning in their early 20's) have never been married and have never had any children before SRS, while more than half of Western transsexuals (with a typical transition age in their late 30's or early 40's) have been married at least once, and many have children - a legacy that can only be left behind with great difficulty and mental pain to all involved, not just the transsexual women. One follow-up study describes a MTF woman who left a wife and young family when she decided to transition and have SRS surgery. She later met and married a man, and adopted his children as their mother - without their knowledge of her past life as a male. However her new happiness has always been secretly marred by being unable to see the children that she fathered grow up, marry and eventually have her grandchildren.

Passing and Stealth

There is considerable debate within the transgender community about the number of transsexual people who actually succeed in "going stealth". Statistics are very scarce, and suppositions range from a significant proportion of all post-SRS women, to a negligible number who mostly transitioned at a very early age.

The number of transsexual women who go stealth is clearly directly relational upon the number who can pass convincingly as a woman at all times, this being an essential pre-requisite. However the number (or proportion) of transwomen who can pass is also disputed, and an additional difficulty is that transwomen tend to over estimate their passability - some thinking that they can pass well when in fact they are out'ed when tested.

Passing is usually far less of an issue for transsexual girls transitioning at a young age, such as 14 year old Johanna.

And of course any transwoman who has succeeded in going deep stealth is hardly likely to publicly claim this unless already outed, or she deliberately chooses to come out. Follow-up studies of post-SRS transsexuals are skewed by the dropping-out of the most successful and assimilated patients, these have often gone stealth/deep stealth and participating in such of a reminder of their past is the last thing they want to do.

The Chevalier d'Eon was able to "pass" (at least while in his 20's and 30's) long before hormones and feminisation surgery.

Almost all transwomen know that realistically their appearance, size, and voice all play a big role in whether they can go the "stealth" route - but human nature being what it is, most women tend to take an over optimistic view of their physical traits. It's now possible to get comprehensive facial feminisation surgery and high quality breast augmentation and SRS, but it's still not possible to change a persons height, feet, or hand size - and even if a petit girl many be completely given away by other factors such as masculine voice. It is also worth noting here that some well networked transsexual women claim that they have never met another transsexual woman whom they didn't quickly "out" as such in their mind, this is an extreme and rather self selective example but it does show how difficult totally convincing passing (and thus stealth) can be.

Passing and Stealth

Unfortunately the option of going stealthy only exists for MTF transsexuals that physically can pass unquestionably as a woman, less than half of all transwomen fall in to this category.

The left hand picture is perhaps OTT, but the reality is that completely passable women such as Ha Ri-su (right) are the lucky exceptions, not the rule... perhaps rather more typical in appearance are the two women below whom I tried to randomly select:

(Left) Judith Kerr, once John Kerr, and (above) Susan Watson, once James Watson

Any woman seriously thinking of going stealth must be brutally realistic about her passability - she should start by asking her friends and family to be totally honest about how well she pass. She should then intensely test and verify a positive answer with strangers: on trains, in bar's, in meetings, etc. Looking out for any odd looks, signs of puzzlement, sly glances, or whispering. Tough final tests include a first with a man and a girls night out!

The limited available evidence suggests that about 50% of post-SRS women claim to be able to pass, but the real number is probably far lower, particularly in the continuous, long-term, 7x24 context as required for stealth. The corollary of course is that at least half of all transsexual women can not pass successfully, some being read instantly. Most of these women accept the situation and make the best of it, but for a few it can be devastating experience which makes them question their sex-change.

One quesstimate I've read is that in the UK there about 5000 openly transsexual post-SRS women plus another 3000 living in stealth - i.e. about 38%. However this stealth percentage may be too high, I suspect that perhaps only 10-20% of all [western] transsexual women ever reach the stage where they can pass convincingly and totally consistently as a woman - with a very strong bias in favour of the relatively few women who transition in their early 20's or younger. Circumstantial evidence suggests that most transsexual women who can pass will eventually go stealth with the aim of being "assimilated" in to society as unquestionably a woman.

(Above) A montage of wonderful transsexual women of all ages.

Stealth and Sexual Orientation

Sexual affairs have resulted in the outing of transsexual women such as Talisa.

Transsexual women with a heterosexual orientation (i.e. sexually attracted primarily to men) often tend towards stealth if they can pass well enough, conversely a woman who pass easily will often find that her assimilation reaches the point of eventually entering in to so-called "normal" committed relationships with men.

Here the stealthy transwoman walks a fine line between honesty and deceit. For instance, when should she inform her lover of her past history as a male. A few women hold the the view that the other partner need never be told; a larger number hold that a partner should be told upon first meeting, while probably a majority believe that a partner need be told only when the relationship becomes serious, i.e., when the "L word" ("love") is uttered - with the caveat that if the transwoman senses the partner will react extremely negatively or violently, the relationship should be broken off with no revelation.

"Ivana" was born male, but do her partners have to know that?

A relationship with a man tends to pull the transwoman away from any open acknowledgement of her transsexuality and male past, if only because social stigma attaches to an alleged heterosexual man once it becomes known that his girlfriend or wife was once a male. Many passable transsexual women thus hide their past from partners and even their husband, feeling (unfortunately often correctly) that the relationship may not survive this becoming known. One study (Sörensen, 1981a) found that 10 out of 17 transwomen claimed to have been able to kept their SRS a secret from male partners, while another indicated a perhaps more plausible ratio of 13 out of 42.

Anna Taylor signing the registrar form after her marriage to second husband Steve. "We were married for five years and although ... I knew the marriage wasn't lawful, I kept quiet. It never crossed my mind to tell Steve - what purpose would it serve?"

Dr John Money has described how a happily married housewife concealed her sex-change from her husband of seven years, explaining their lack of children as being due to medical problems that had rendered her infertile, apparently he had no suspicion of the true situation. Another transsexual woman, 'Anna Taylor', lived in deep stealth from 18, only her mother and brother aware of her male past. She describes how her relationship with her first husband, Paolo, developed as follows:

"He was Italian and very good looking. When we eventually started seeing each other I tried to tell him before we slept together. I asked him how important children were to him because I was sterile. If he wanted a family there was no point to our relationship. He said I was more important to him than children and we could always adopt. But I told him I'd need a brain transplant to do that because I'm not at all maternal. He said he still loved me and when we finally made love, I thought I was going to hit the ceiling. He was very experienced, very romantic - and very sexy. So I told him I'd had a genetic problem when I was younger and had had an operation to correct it. He said, 'These are childhood things. Why do we need to talk about it now?' I thought he'd understood what I was trying to say."

Anna was married to Paolo for 13 years before he sadly died of cancer, he never knew his wife was a transsexual.

In the balance between personal happiness and revealing "the whole truth and nothing but the truth", many transsexual women choose happiness.

Entering in to a "normal" relationship with a man drives many passable transsexual women in to going stealthy.

Plans by Scotland Yard Detective Steve Longshore to marry his girlfriend Lisa Webb were wrecked in 1995 when The Mirror newspaper revealed that she was a transsexual. The paper got the lead because unknown to the Detective she was working as an 'escort' girl and said too much to a client one night.

While most passable transsexuals women seek stealth, a few do the opposite. Nadia Almada was (Above right) winner of the UK's Big Brother 2004 at age 27, but housemates began to wonder if she was TS after a few days.

(Below) Kira entered a Miss Schutzenfest 2005 beauty contest, won, and was quickly outed.

Being "Outed"

Most transsexual people would eventually prefer to live a quiet life, and this is often best found by not being identified as having "changed sex". The Internet is perhaps a relevant example, many TS girls who establish a web presence at the time of their transition, delete it a few years later as they settle in to their new life and move from openness about their transsexuality to privacy and perhaps eventually deep stealth.

A risk that all transsexual women who have gone stealthy face is being outed. This can happen for many reasons, including: poor physical passability; poor social passability; bad documentation; sheer bad luck; ... etc.

Unfortunately passing and not being outed seems to be getting ever more difficult. Until 15 or 20 years ago, if a person's name was 'Helen' and she wore lipstick and a dress she would be assumed to be a woman - regardless of a slightly deep voice, rather large hands and not the best complexion. Things have undoubtedly change since then - people have become increasingly become educated (even if only subconsciously) on the signature signs of a transsexual. We are getting close to the stage where most people know a transsexual women - be her family, friend, work colleague or an acquaintance. Another real problem in recent years is the appearance of transsexual women on television in reality programmes and talk shows. Some transwomen who have passed successfully for years or decades, have been reduced to tears on finding themselves "outed" within minutes of entering a room of strangers.

A transitioned but still pre-SRS women obviously faces additional risks of being outed because of her genetalia:- by excessively keen groping men; medical emergencies; an accident in the swimming pool, in a changing room, perverts with miniature cameras, ... even an erection!

But assuming that physically the woman is completely female externally and reasonably feminine in overall appearance, then passing is often about the small things - things that are second nature for some one brought up as girl but entirely strange for a man - things that Hollywood often has a field day over when a man impersonates a woman in a comedy. If you look awkward in heels, struggle to touch-up your makeup, don't recognise Channel No. 5, ... well cumulatively over weeks it might become strange to people. Perhaps an extreme example of living the detail is Roberta Close, at least one of her lovers was allegedly disconcerted to discover a tampon in place - somewhat implausibly stained with chicken blood!

Hiding their 'meat and two veg" is a constant problem for pre-SRS tranwomen. One option is to use gaff, another is the "tuck and [sometimes] tape" method

The later method can become second nature after transition, and do'able in seconds with constant practice. After a year of hormones almost nothing is obvious even in a swimsuit, but the very suspicious may still just be able to discern the giveaway bulges of the popped up testes and turned back penis in these pictures of the otherwise exceptionally feminine Miriam. Some girls can achieve an extraordinarily girly appearance for a skimpy outfit or a high risk activity - but then have to stick to very small glasses of wine!

Naked, even a very attractive post-SRS transwomen may have give dangerous give-aways, such as widely spaced breasts with obvious implants.

A tremendous danger is hanging yourself by your own rope, an inconsistent and every changing story about your pre-transition life can cumulatively cause great problems with a friend or partner. And getting drunk is in the first months after transition a big no-no - the danger of committing a major disaster such as starting a story " ... when I was a boy ..." increases dramatically, and even lesser revelations such as heading in to the wrong toilet may be picked up by more sober observers.

Another huge problem is trail of "evidence" that we all leave as we go through our lives, the volume is immense.... thousands of photos (and not just those taken by our own friends and family), school records, financial details, medical records, home videos, tax records, computer records, newspaper articles, etc. etc. And there are also the thousands of people we met over the years – some of whom have uncanny memories in my experience. When we transition to female, its impossible to delete, destroy or alter all that prior evidence, some will always remain to act as a potential pointer to our transsexuality.

An associated problem is sometimes an embarrassing lack of evidence! For example the stealthy transsexual woman's lack of reveal'able photos and childhood details is also always a potential problem, a partner may get more and more inquisitive about this and the excuses get ever more elaborate.

28-year old Jackie McAuliffe is fortunate enough to be a totally passable TS woman but paperwork can still reveal her past as Jason - she transitioned age 20 and had SRS when 25.

While the risk of being "outed" will diminish over time, it will never go away and may come from any quarter at any time - someone trying to organise a reunion, a medical emergency, background checks by an adoption agency, a company unexpectedly checking old educational qualifications, a revealing letter from the Social Security about pensions, a strange slip of the tongue, a chance meeting with an old friend, a problem at the Registry Office getting a marriage certificate, etc.

Japanese celebrities Kyoko (left) and Mika - the "Kano Sisters" - are highly secretive about their past before about 1997, even their birth dates. One speculation is that Kyoka is a former boyfriend of Mika who has had a sex-change.

A particularly modern problem is that many transsexual women enjoy a brief moment of fame (intentionally or not) - or at least openness - as a transsexual on the Internet, or in a magazine, or featured in a TV documentary, or some other media, a moment which they quickly start to regret. Despite their best efforts to get all such revealing materials deleted or destroyed (potentially a counter productive exercise in itself), these women have a constant nagging fear of being outed because of the potential evidence on the Internet at al, which may one day come back to haunt them. For example one now happily married woman whose husband and family have no idea of her transsexuality, told me when she moved in to deep stealth "This is a long and painful road for me. I need to [make my old self] not even exist. I now have a loving family and I am so scared of losing everything that I always dreamed of." A problem for such women is that their desperate attempts to delete themselves from the Internet are rarely completely successful, their pleas often being sent to dead email addresses and even years later a simple 'goggle' might still produce damaging hits on no longer maintained websites.

"Top model Lauren had a secret - now she may not have a job" - this South African woman paid a high price when she was "outed".

Attorney, author and commentator Ann Coulter. Her Adams Apple is highlighted.

19 year-old Hairdresser Gemma (formerly Anthony) Gee was outed by the UK press when she dated the son of a famous football player. She transitioned age 16 and changed her birth certificate, but friends and colleagues (although not the man in question) were aware of her past.

Former Las Vegas showgirl Jahna Steele has a female physique and look that most transsexual women can but dream of. She was "stealth" for many years.

Probably the most famous instance of a transsexual being "outed" by the press is still Bond girl Caroline Cossey (aka Tula) - left most in the picture..

Perhaps an even great danger faces transsexual women living in stealth who become famous as a woman to some degree, whether intentionally or not.

It's almost impossible for an individual to cover up her past so well that some determined sleuthing wouldn't soon reveal strange discrepancies, inconsistencies, or a peculiar lack of supporting evidence. For example a reporter who casually asked a stealthy transwoman where she went to school would unintentionally put her in an almost possible position. A failure to answer would be most strange, but providing accurate details about her old schools would mean a ticking time bomb. The appearance of websites such as Friends Reunited has become an enormous help to journalists and researchers, but sometimes the bane of transsexual women.

Also of course, any woman who features regularly in the media will inevitably eventually be seen by old friends or acquaintances. Over time the chances of at least one of these recognising the voice, mannerisms, facial features, and starting to link them to a man that they used know are very high.

Some of the now most well known transsexual women had been stealthy when the revealing spotlight of publicity first began to lightly shine upon them, but were soon outed, e.g. Caroline Cossey, April Ashley and Amanda Lear. Given the massive public and media interest in famous people this is almost inevitable, the irony being that a high percentage of stealthy transsexual women actively seek high-profile and very public careers as actresses, models, singers, etc.

It is however all but certain certain that there are some well know women who have successfully concealed their transsexuality. Conversely, some genetic women have been supposedly but incorrectly out'ed as transsexual's, perhaps most famously in recent years Miss France 2001 - Elodie Gossuin. Another possible example is the American celebratory Ann Coulter. In recent years there have been determined but so far inconclusive attempts to expose her as a transsexual woman, or a suffer of AIS. One theory is that she was born Arthur Coltrane in Georgia (USA) and had SRS in Denmark as a teenager. A host of circumstantial evidence has been offered to prove that she was once "male", e.g. that she is: 6ft tall; has brow ridges; an Adams apple; big hands; big feet; has not been forthcoming with her childhood records; and so on.

Finally, major risks are involved with trying to go partially stealthy, e.g. going "stealth" at work but "out" with friends and family. Inevitably this division will break down. Confiding ones transsexuality to a partner or best friend with an oath of secrecy is extremely risky - human nature being what it is the word will almost inevitably slowly spread. The temptation or even need to reveal one's background in order to get a job, obtain a bank loan, during a medical, etc., is also often great, but again this breaks the stealth rules and increases the risk of eventually being "outed".

Jamie-Michelle - a brutal reality is that the younger a transgirl/woman transitions, the more passable she will be.

24 year-old Laura-Alicia Summers (formerly Darren Pratt) was outed after becoming a popular "lads mags" model and some increasingly high profile boyfriends

Another example 17 year-old transgirl Sarah Green who wants people to see her as female, "the first time I went out as a woman I felt really embarrassed but it was brilliant too. I wasn't hiding anymore." Successfully passing and developing as a young woman, she agreed to appear on Blunt - a teens' TV programme - because she wanted other young people who felt the same way to know that "they don't have to be ashamed of who they are". But an unfortunate result was that people on her street called Sarah rude names and shouted abuse at her.

Some women who have achieved deep stealth seem to eventually have an urge to begin to "play with fire" and take risks. For example a woman know has now become fairly open about her transsexuality on the Internet, a brave but risky choice given that her (second) husband does not know about this.

Perhaps the final word her should go to one transwoman who was outed: "Everyone has skeletons in their closet - only mine is bigger than most."

Sexual Intercourse
The British comedian Bob Monkhouse relates in his autobiography Crying with Laughter how he picks up a gorgeous and extremely buxom chorus girl (aka stripper) who's also a fanatical fan of his, only to find when he beds her that her vagina gives him no satisfaction or depth, describing the feeling as mushy and blocked. The poor girl finally admits to him in tears that she recently had a sex change operation, and that he's her first man. Bob is reasonable about it (at least in the book), but many men might not be.

South Korean model and actress Ha Ri-Su

Unfortunately sexual intercourse can still be a give-away for a transsexual women, although thankfully with modern techniques this chance has decreased very considerably in recent years. If you lack a "true love" involved with your transition, breaking your virginity as a woman with an experienced heterosexual man who's unaware of your past is huge risk, particularly if you are at an age where sexual inexperience as a female might seem very strange. While it might not be Romeo and Juliet, there is a lot to be said for a few one night stands with a drunken young man from the night club in order to build up experience before having intercourse with someone important. In an ideal world feed-back from a co-operative male friend will help an awful lot - and not just as regards the feel of your vagina. If that is not possible - well don't rush things even if Mr Hunk is very keen. An extra month of dilation and post-natal exercises, combined with a little bit of rehearsal using a sexy video, may make all the difference between a wonderful first night with Hunk and a total end of the world disaster.

Enza Anderson stood for Mayor of Toronto

The Future
There is now increasing transgender awareness in western society and the general community. As the number of transsexuals has increased, so more and more people have personally got to know a trans-gendered person - be it family, friend or work colleague. Transsexuals are at last slowly ceasing to be freaks seen only on talk shows and in the Sunday newspapers, but are becoming real people. As this happens, we see more openly trans-gendered women, and not just so called "activists", entering in to public, social and corporate life at all levels.

It's thus possible to hope that with time the perceived importance of the advantages obtained by going "stealth" will decrease, and the quality of life balance incline more towards remaining "out".

Guess ... a group of Brazilian transsexuals, including probably the most famous of them all - Robera Close

The "Can I Pass?" Quiz

Passing ... passing ... passing, and then she speaks...

I've seen several quiz's on the Internet about "passing". Unfortunately these seem to be mostly concerned with transvestites attempting occasional passing in public, so I thought I would have a go myself at a quiz for pre-transition, adult (age 18 or older), transsexual women who are considering going full time. The quiz is designed to give some indication of the chances of being quickly "read", it gives less indication about the chances of passing long-term when many other factor come in to play.

This quiz is primarily intended to be for fun, but also a little thought provoking for pre-transition girls. Please don't take it too seriously and shoot me down in flames, but I do welcome constructive feedback and suggestions that will help me refine it.

It you really want to try the quiz, it's here.

Stealth - My Experiences

After I transitioned I tried to avoid telling people about my past, but I found that sometimes I had to admit to my male past, or I was asked revealing questions, or I was simply "outed". Thus an ever growing number of people get to know - my family, my doctor, my bank, my closest friends, my boss, my work colleagues, their acquaintances, .... .

Unfortunately many women give themselves away with silly and careless mistakes, particularly when tired or after a drink. I've made mistakes that have had me cringing and worried for days.

Nevertheless I was (and still am) uncomfortable about people knowing and talking about my past, which was rapidly becoming distant and irrelevant to me.

Ideally I would like to go deep "stealth" and live completely as woman without anyone knowing my past, but while this is an appealing prospect in many ways, it would also be extremely difficult to achieve. Going stealthy to that extreme would imply me being absolutely convincing as a woman at all times, have no contact with people (including family) who know me otherwise, and destroy all evidence (photo's, school reports, references, letters...), of my previous incarnation. It would also mean fabricating a complete and believable past (including girlhood) covering the time before I transitioned, obtaining all the essential supporting documentation, and then completely and utterly maintaining the story at all times. I would also have to somehow remove all evidence of myself from the Internet. Over the last few years a dozen or more girls have asked me for what ever reason to remove their photos and information from this website, but despite the clearly determined efforts of some, it was a simple exercise to disprove the possibility that all evidence of their transsexuality had really gone from the web.

A few personal examples of how hard stealth is to achieve:

Asian transsexual women such as Makiko (a minor TV celebrity in Japan) tend to be remarkably passable in western eyes because of their small stature and light build, often greatly assisted by early transition, - although sometimes less so to their fellow nationals.

A few months after I transitioned I had my car stolen by "Joy Riders" from outside my mothers house. Unfortunately all my documents and files were in the car boot. The car was recovered and the Police got confused going through the documents. They made checks that I would have preferred they hadn't, and they called me in for a very embarrassing interview.

Ten months after I transitioned (and still pre-Orchidectomy, let alone SRS) the company I was working for sent me to visit their Agents in the Arabian Gulf. Upon arrival at one airport late at night something must have aroused suspicions when I reached the otherwise passenger-free Customs Area. This culminated in me being strip searched and every item in my baggage being questioned - providing great entertainment to the bored staff. I then had to wait two hours wearing only my panties and eventually my blouse until their Chief finally arrived at 3:00 a.m. to approve my release - apologetic but with a big smile on his face.

Some 18 months after my transition I was visiting my mum and went out to get some groceries. I was shocked when a shop assistant recognised me - we had been in the same class at school. The resulting conversation with her could have been disastrous in some circumstances.

During the 1980's I worked with a Doctor at a University for several years and became acquainted with his much younger wife. I was very surprised to recently get an email from her, she had seen this website and it turned out that she was a transsexual as well - so we can now both out each other!

Deep stealth is undoubtedly living the "big lie", and while a few girls may manage to carry it off, it is still perhaps too great a challenge for me. But I am seeking a compromise degree of "stealth" in my normal daily life, and with time and experience (i.e. age!) and new documentation behind me, I'm now near finding it.

A Survey

[This final section is "heavier" than normal for my site, but may be interesting to some people].

The Connectivity newsletter of FORGE (For Ourselves: Reworking Gender Expression), a male-to-female support organisation, conducted a survey of its members which was concerned with the concept “stealth versus out”. Inevitably the results are far more applicable to female to male transsexuals (80, or 67% of the "trans" respondents) than male to female (30, or 24%). However it is worth quoting a significant extract here:

Out to Partners

Nearly a third of the trans+ respondents did not answer the question of whether their trans status is known to their partner/s, which could reflect either that they are not partnered or that they found the question confusing or did not wish to answer it. An additional 11 said they had no partner. Of the 101 respondents who indicated they did have one or more partners, the vast majority – 88% -- is “out” to their partner/s. Two individuals – an in-transition FTM and a post-transition MTF – have a single partner who does not know they are trans. Three individuals with multiple partners – all in-transition or no- or low-hormone FTMs – are not out to at least one of their partners. Seven individuals – three genderqueers, two no- or low-hormone FTMs, and one in-transition and one post-transition MTF – marked the category, “my partner has some idea of my gender issues” (see Graph 1).

Gender Congruency

Because we asked the trans+ respondents not only their own gender identity but also how observers perceived them, we were able to analyze how “out” people were based on how they were perceived. We grouped those who were perceived as male and whose internal gender identity was categorized as some variation of FTM as “congruent – masculine.” Likewise, those who were perceived as female and who identified as MTF were grouped as “congruent – female.” Those who were genderqueer, were perceived as female even though they identified in a masculine way, or who experienced inconsistent social perceptions of their gender were all classed as “non-congruent” (see Tables 3a, b, c, next page).

Tables 3a,b,c

These classifications produced very interesting results. MTFs with gender identities congruent with their social gender presentation were significantly more out than FTMs with internal/external gender congruency in every environment (with the exception of school, which pertained to only one MTF).

Those whose gender identity is not consistently congruent with social perception were more spread out in terms of how “out” they were. It is clear to us in retrospect that we did not ask enough appropriate questions of this group to be able to interpret their responses. What, precisely, does it mean to be “out” when you’re visibly genderqueer versus being “out” when you are a pre-transition FTM, for instance?

Environments Where People are Most Out

Where people are most out varies based on whether the person is FTM, MTF, or a SOFFA (see Graphs 3, 4, and 5 on next pages). Both FTMs and MTFs (those who are gender-congruent) are most out to family members, with 81% of the MTFs and 58% of the FTMs “out to everyone” in this category. In contrast, only 30% of the SOFFAs are out to all family members; SOFFAs are most out to friends, with 70% of them “out to all” friends. Friends are the second-most-out category for both MTFs (71% are “out to all”) and FTMs (43%). Overall, MTFs are most out (in descending order) to family, to friends, at work, at social clubs, and to acquaintances. FTMs are most out to family, to friends, at social clubs, at work and to acquaintances. SOFFAs are most out to friends, then at work, to family, and at social clubs (tied), and finally, to acquaintances. (Figures for those out at school are too small to analyze.)

Environments Where People are Most Stealth

Looking at the data in reverse – where people most frequently said they were “out to no one” – gender-congruent FTMs and MTFs again differ (see Graph 4, below). About a quarter of perceived-as-male FTMs are not out to anyone at work. Five percent are not out to any family members, and fewer than two percent are not out to any friends. In contrast, MTFs tend to be most closeted with acquaintances, social clubs, and at work, with approximately 10% of those answering saying they’re out to “no one” in these categories. (The figures for SOFFAs are too small to analyze.)

Influences on Disclosure Decisions

A couple of our respondents felt we should have asked about income, race, and age, as these influence how “out” someone is able to be. This data would have been interesting, but none of the literally hundreds of comments respondents made referenced race or age (with the exception of one American Indian who pointed out that given that his family included more than 100 members, it was difficult to be out to all of them). The comments, did, however, illuminate many other influences on how respondents thought about the issues surrounding disclosure.

Passing Questions

It seems obvious that being able to keep a trans status private is at least partially determined by whether one is perceived as firmly fitting into one binary gender box or the other; for some folks, the fact they are transgender is obvious.

“I can’t tell when I pass or not. I hate binding so I usually don’t but it compromises my outward appearance. I have no partners/lovers because of shame about my body and I don’t want to involve others needlessly in my process. I live in a very small town on an island with a very small queer population, so I’m not out. If I lived in a larger town or a city I would probably be more out.”

"I consider myself very 'out', but that does not mean that I feel the need to tell anyone and everyone. I simply assume that people can read me in most situations. Although this assumption is not really valid, it does relieve me of the need to wonder whether any one person reads me or not."

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Copyright (c) 2004, Annie Richards
Last updated: 13 May, 2004